JUNE 10, 2017

A Beginner's Guide to
Legalized Recreational Marijuana Use in Las Vegas

For those of you coming here for business or pleasure hoping to smoke some fine local weed, those of us who live and work in Las Vegas humbly ask you to please help us slide this quietly under the radar. We are in uncharted waters here and with the help of State Senator Tick Segerblom we're trying to get all the details of 100% legalization smoothed out and locked in with as few problems as possible.

I lived and worked in Amsterdam for two years and know how "chill" a city can become if the weed question is handled correctly from the beginning. There's an everybody wins vibe that needs nurturing. We actually need help from you, the tourist, during this critical period of transition.

Couple of subjects worth mentioning..

If you have an out-of-state medical marijuana card you can walk into any of our many dispensaries right now and purchase marijuana. If you don't have a card, you may have to wait another month or three before you can just walk into a store and buy some weed. But it's coming and should be in full operation, city-wide, by the end of the summer. Rodney King "Can't we all just get a bong?" t-shirts soon to follow.

It's still illegal to buy on the street and it's still illegal to smoke in public. Buying on the street is dumb anyway when it's available in a dispensary with seed-to-sale packaging that includes lab results. "Hey Bub, don't go in that liquor store and pay those prices. I just made some homemade gin in this hospital bedpan. Wanna sip?"

The biggest dilemma for a tourist will be figuring out where to smoke. It's legal to smoke in your house or on your property, but if you don't live here and you're staying in a hotel that doesn't allow pot smoking on the premises, you're technically breaking the law by doing so, ya fackin' stona! (Boston accent).

It's a question that remained unanswered and un-dealt with throughout the legalization process - Yeah, you can go ahead and buy some Nevada-grown pot but since you're from outta state, we don't really have any place for you to smoke it yet and you can't sell it to anyone else and you can't cross the state border with it so I guess you should just buy some and then throw it on the ground and run away really fast.

We're woking on it. That said, I've smoked weed in hotel rooms across America for most of my adult life and, by just being smart about it, have never had a problem.

And I guess that's what I'm trying to say - Once you leave McCarran airport and have your cab driver drop by a dispensary to pick up some weed on your way to your hotel, try not to be a dick about it. Don't walk through the front doors of The Flamingo with a giant flaming joint hanging out of your mouth. Don't spark up a fatty at the blackjack table. Don't be sitting at the fountain in front of The Venetian, whip out your dab rig and start melting some shatter like a full-on, vein-poppin' junkie in front of the families with their kids.

Know what I'm saying? "Don't spook the straights," as we used to say. Dial it back a notch while we convince the suits that everything's gonna be fine.

It's unclear how recreational sales are going to function exactly. You will probably be able to walk into any dispensary along side us medical patients although you will have a 10% sales tax added to your purchase. But I would imagine there will be shops dedicated exclusively to recreational use springing up as well.

If you've been to a medical marijuana dispensary before, there is nothing I need to tell you that you don't already know. If you are new to buying legal weed in America, a little heads up might be of assistance to you.

The amount of choices can be overwhelming. In short, you have flower, concentrates and edibles. Edibles are the easiest because you just open the package and shove it in your mouth like a savage. But be careful of dosage. Around here, 10mg is considered a dose for an average cannabis user with average cannabis user habits. If your THC tolerance is less than average, 10 mg might send you on a spooky walk through Paranoia Park. A friend of mine with low tolerance ate a single gummy that I gave her and later told me she was hearing voices all night, mostly her own and all with Eastern Bloc accents.

During a purchase the other day at The Source I noticed they had cookies for sale at check out and asked about the THC dosage. The cashier said each cookie had 50 mg. Now if your tolerance is pretty low and you mindlessly munch your way through a 50 mg cookie in five minutes you might find yourself an hour later locked in your bathroom, watching water drip and making that burbly burbly sound with your index finger in front of your lips.

I don't like edibles and I don't recommend them. But most people love 'em and they're certainly an inconspicuous way of strapping on an ass-kicking, thunder-cock buzz as you stumble through the city.

I also don't like concentrates but that's up to you. Shatter, badder, resins, wax, all that shit that you have to melt by heating your bowl with a blowtorch like a fucking crack whore on a three day blow&buy jag. Jesus, why make it that ugly?

Vape pens filled with THC oils are convenient and discreet when walking around Vegas. I don't like 'em but they're a pretty good way to go for low-key, mind elevation.

I'm an old school flower guy who likes to smell it, feel it, work with it and show it the respect it deserves. If you've ever made charras with your own hands..you know.

And finally, recommendations -

Dispensaries

1) Reef Dispensaries Las Vegas Strip - Right behind the Fashion Show Mall, this place is open till 3am and that's enough said right there. They sell both top shelf and bottom shelf but even the bottom shelf is not bad and with $5 pre-rolls you can't go wrong here when gambling funds are "late night tight".

2) Oasis Medical Cannabis - I keep coming back to this one, not only because they carry 4 different strains of CBD flower (Pennywise, Harlequine, Shiskaquine and Fire Angel) but because there's a serene feel to the place. It's a little north of Reef and in a nest of dispensaries if you feel like shopping around.

Strains

In no particular order and without any explanations, I like Super Lemon Haze, Head Cheese, White Widow, Lamb's Bread (with some Kief sprinkled over it), Afghan Kush, Haze, and if you like CBD flower as much as I do, The Source on Rainbow has started carrying a magnificent item called Harle Storm (a cross between Harle-Tsu and Thunderstruck, I believe) with almost 15% Myrcene - anti-inflammatory, pain relief, antibacterial, anti-diabetic, anti-insomnia, anti-psychotic (thank you) and anti-mutagenic (cancer fighting).

So have fun and keep it to a dull roar as my grandmother used to say. If we can create an unobtrusive enough marijuana tourism environment here in Vegas during the early rounds of this fight we may be able to open a few quiet little Amsterdam-style smoking coffeeshops and tuck 'em into some corners around town.

Help us get there.

Copyright © 2017 John Bizarre

"Sebastian, the feathers in this pillow seem to have lost their bounce."


"It was brought to my attention earlier, sir, and the geese responsible will soon be receiving a most stern rebuke."


"See that they do."

"Most assuredly, sir."

"Ah, the world has gone mad, Sebastian."

"I wouldn't trouble myself about it, sir."

"But look at this paper. Bombings, disease, civil war.."

"That paper is from 1864, sir."

"So it is. We really must update our subscription one of these days."

"If you wish, sir, but the song remains the same."

"Well, what is the problem with people? Why can't they just get along?"

"Because they all want more."

"More of what?"

"Everything, sir."

"But, can't they all just have enough already?"

"No, sir."

"Well, why in blazes not?"

"Because contentment and serenity require reflection and refinement."

"Well, who has time for that, eh?"

"Will there be anything more, sir?"

"Sebastian.."

"Sir?"

"Did you..did you fart?"

"Regrettably."

"On the contrary, it's almost..minty."

"It's the juleps, sir. It won't hap.."

"No no, feel free. It almost gives the room an air of..springtime."

"Springtime, sir?"

"Yes, April showers, May flowers, June bazooms, that sort of thing.."

"June bazooms?"

"You know, when women show off their bazooms..in June."

"I was unaware of that holiday, sir."

"And where is my lovely bride?"

"Rigging and oiling the harness, I believe."

"Splendid."

"Ah. Madam approaches presently, sir."

"I'm so in love with her. How would you describe her?"

"As smashing, sir."

"Yes, yes..smashing..that's it. And would you say she's flaunting some chunky monkey, punky?"

"Sir?"

"Would you say she's in need of a kind porter for that hind quarter?"

"I don't believe it would be my place to say so, sir."

"Could a man be cheerier to have a wife with that superior posterior?"

"It would seem unlikely, sir."

"Thank you, Sebastian..and you may release a fart as you depart."

"With pleasure, sir."

"Hello, my love."

"Babe, why do you have a butler?"

"First of all, he's a gentleman's gentleman. And secondly..I forgot the question."

"You drive a 20 year old car and still wear the same clothes you wore as a rickshaw driver..but you have a butler."

"Gentleman's gentleman."

"You don't..see anything inconsistent in that?"

"I don't think I'm following this line of questioning."

"OK, never mind..what's that..do I smell mint?"

"Yes, my gentleman's gentleman's intestinal system has decided to offer up a sudden change of seasons. Delightful, isn't it?"

"That's..not the word I would choose. It's a..soul-deadening funk of ass with a hint of mint. I think 'ghastly' is more accurate. It's making me queasy."

"Maybe you're just falling under my spell."

"No, your butler cracked a rat and I think I'm gonna hurl.. might need to lie down..Hey, what happened to these pillows?

"Very observant of you, dear. My gentleman's gentleman is currently beating the goose responsible for this infraction. And speaking of beating the goose.."

Copyright © 2017 John Bizarre

JUNE 20, 2017

So, the Pentagon makes an agreement to sell over 12 billion dollars worth of F15 fighter jets to Qatar only a few days after the president followed up his Middle Eastern corporate circle jerk junket with tweets about Qatar's financial relationship with "radical ideology" and how it has "historically been a funder of terrorism at a very high level," and how it has gotten a little too chummy with Iran, and how the other Gulf allies better line up and isolate Qatar if they know what's good fer 'em.

But never mind all that, Qatar. Here's 12 billion dollars worth of murder weapons so you can pick a few fights of your own, like perhaps with Saudi Arabia, another good buddy of ours that we know (thanks to the Podesta emails) has financially supported isis, al qaeda and al nusra for years, a country that we also just sold 110 billion dollars worth of murder weapons to, a country that has so little respect for women that it doesn't allow them to drive cars, a country that beheads people in a public square on a weekly basis, a country that is presently carrying out a US-backed genocide in Yemen that nobody seems to give a shit about.

(*Update* 6/22/17 The Associated Press today reported that the UAE runs at least 18 secret torture sites in Yemen that the US government not only knows about but works with, both directly and indirectly. America - outsourcing torture in your name.)

On one hand, it illustrates how out of control and above the law the Industrial War Machine has become, how American arms manufacturers create conflict through Pentagon directives, supply weapons to both sides, convince governments to pay for it all through debt-financing, and then devise bullshit scenarios that can be sold to the citizenry through complicit media corporations that use depraved pundits to shovel out prepackaged war propaganda.

On the other, it shows how even a loud mouthed, chimpanzee of a president can tweet unintelligible twaddle all day long and it will have absolutely no effect on the agenda of the trillion dollar killing machines business.

We live in the United States of Murder and we export death on a scale that even Orwell wouldn't have imagined. The oil and arms CEOs have their own neoliberal rap on this: If we don't do it, somebody else will and we'll be the victims. If we don't shape the world, if we don't control the sources of non-renewable energy, if we don't keep creating chaos and fear and destruction and murder in every corner of the Earth, these little countries are going to have enough breathing room to pull their shit together and run their own economies without us, and they might even get wise to the way we've rigged the whole central banking scheme in our favor.

And how great would that be? How great would it be if, collectively, people began to figure out that corporate capitalism is little more than a globally installed, kleptocratic blueprint for the plunder of resources and the financial enslavement of working-class people; a filthy, cynical and obscene economic system designed to concentrate wealth into the hands of a few, while condemning the rest of humanity to lifelong debt-peonage.

I'm still at a loss for a way to get this core message out there in a way that resonates with people. The economic SYSTEM is the problem. Karl Marx was right about capitalism. Unfortunately his message was perverted and poisoned by Russian and Chinese megalomaniacs who forgot or ignored that an authentic socialist evolution requires the implementation of democratic principles on all levels. Marxism was never an alternative to capitalism. It has always been a critique of capitalism. The equation is simple - capitalism rewards profit over people, socialism demands people over profit.

Corporations are dictatorships. They are greed machines that succeed at the expense of everyone and everything. Socialist enterprises, such as worker owned co-operatives, are democratically-minded organisms where every employee has a voice in how the company is run, every employee has a say in how the profits are distributed, and every employee is moved to employ empathy in considering the impact that the production, distribution and use of their product will have on the environment and the community.

Short of overthrowing the government and starting all over again, a redistribution of wealth that can bring tens of millions of people out of poverty will probably need to begin at the local level - mobilizing communities to elect candidates who embrace socialist ideas and socially minded enterprises into city government, then county, state and federal. New political parties are needed, and new laws governing the limited funding of candidates need to be passed, first locally, then nationally. We could also use the establishment of no-interest government loans to small start-up businesses in dying cities, loans that provide tax breaks and huge incentives to any business that adheres to the principles of worker-owned co-ops and hire only locals who have a stake in the reestablishment of a healthy and vibrant local neighborhood. THAT'S how you "make America great again". And of course the first step for true economic reform would be to repeal the Federal Reserve act of 1913 and stop borrowing money from the crime families that have stolen the wealth of this country.

Anyway, getting back to President Pussygrab, this guy has one very specific trait in common with George W. Bush. He's a smug moron. Are we really going to put up with another one of these douchebags for seven and a half more years? A moron is hard enough to listen to, but a smug moron is just intolerable. That smirk..like we're all a bunch of fucking idiots and he's a super-genius whose words should just be believed and obeyed. Uch..that conceited, self-congratulatory simper that slimes across his lizard face..

And yet, he is what we coughed up as a nation. This chowderhead, this lummox, this sneering, babbling dipshit who can barely assemble a coherent sentence in the only language he knows..is he really the best we could do in choosing a representative of who we are as a people?

I mean, is that who we are? Is HE who we are? Are we just arrogant, condescending, greedy, inarticulate, jabbering jackasses frittering away our time fiddling with electronic toys while our tax dollars fund black site torture as well as bomb drops on women and children all through the Middle East in an orgy of collateral damage? Are we really just a squawking, giggling, self-absorbed nation of shallow cunts?

Anybody? Ok, I guess I'll just go fuck myself.

Copyright © 2017 John Bizarre

May 30, 2017